Atlanta Wedding

Jared VanAlstyne and Kristy Minor are planning a wedding in Atlanta, GA while living in Brooklyn, NY.
This is their web-log of how it all went down.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Intro to Registry: Strategic Planning and Shopping

Intro to Wedding Registry: Required coursework for the Groom to Be
Course Goals:

  • To introduce the Groom to be to the world of housewares, appliances, and decorating materials for upcoming mandatory living space rearrangement.
  • To impress upon the Groom the importance of strategic shopping skills and strategy involved therein.
  • To create a controlled environment of indulgent consumerism while suppressing most Calvinistic ideals of frugality and plain, stark, functionality.
  • Discovery of and acceptance of the idea that "It's okay to want nice things."
  • Discovery of and acceptance of the limitations of the male sphere of influence in many decisions regarding the upcoming mandatory living space rearrangement.

Things I've been taught in this course:

  1. When people get married, they aren't allowed to keep their old and well worn housewares.
    (This generally applies to many of the Groom to Be's worldly possessions, and less so to the bride's. i.e. Guinness Posters, 30 year old comforters, etc.)
  2. People enjoy buying the happy couple things for their new home.
  3. The happy couple enjoys receiving gifts from their friends and family for their new home.
  4. In an effort to best coordinate gift giving between the family and friends of the Bride and Groom, the happy couple send themselves out to stores to 'Register'
  5. There are rules about Registry which are as follows:
    - One does not register for frivolous items such as Xbox 360's.
    - One does register for fancy things called "Bone China" and "Crystal Stemware" and "Silver"
    - One does not register at stores such as "Best Buy" or "Virgin Records" or "H&M"
    - One does register for stores such as "Bed Bath and Beyond" and "Macy's"
    - One does not register for items without consulting the Bride to Be.
    - One does accept and acknowledge the authority of the Bride to be in all things involving the impending mandatory living space rearrangement.
  6. Etiquette dictates that only a small number of retail establishments be chosen for which to facilitate the above mentioned Registry creation and gift giving. Lack of self control in the selection of these retail establishments can result in rampant rumors of the happy couple's greed and avarice.
  7. The balancing act between common sense and unbridled consumerism within the rubric of the Wedding Registry is to be handled with fear and trembling when utilizing the Registry Gun. As with the use of any tool, it can be used for good, or it can be used for evil. Often this demarcation is only discernable after much consultation with other scholars and authorities expert in these matters. (i.e. other Brides and Brides to Be. The groom has traditionally not been considered a reliable expert in these areas.)
  8. Communication of the facilities that house the Happy Couple's Registry should be communicated promptly and efficiently once they have been selected.
  9. We're going to register soon! Promise! For real, like maybe this week. Certainly by June. At least the end of June. Definitely by the end of June. For real. For real.


  • At 12:46 PM, Anonymous Josh Narraway said…

    It's funny... cuz it's true...


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